God Emperor of Didcot by Toby Frost

Space Captain Smith is back...accept it.Toby Frost's second book, God Emperor of Didcot, re-introduces us to Isambard Smith and the less-than-intrepid crew of the John Pym. Isambard is just as brave, dashing and stupid as before, Suruk still enjoys decapitating his enemies and taking their skulls as trophies and Polly is still a frustrated ex-sex toy with the courage of...well, she has no courage. On top of all this, Gerald the hamster has survived and is still merrily running around in his cage despite Suruk's attempts to eat him.There also some new characters in this insane universe. First up are the Deepspace Operations Group. A unit so elite and gung-ho that there are only five of them and are led by a total nutcase. They are brave, not very good-looking and relatively stupid: ideal characteristics for people who's job is to risk death in impossible military actions. The big surprise is that they have stayed alive so long.We also get to meet Suruk's family, not that Suruk is pleased with the idea. His once proud warrior race have, it seems, settled down as doctors, lawyers and architects amongst other professions. Added to his sense of embarrassment is that the holy table where war councils used to meet and plan their carnage has been turned into a National Trust site run by a jobsworth.The story itself concerns tea, the drink of the British Space Empire and provider of sustenance to the soul of Britain. It turns out that the scientists of this future age proved that the decline of the British Empire in the 20th century was down to a change in British drinking habits. It was fewer cups of tea and the growth of coffee drinking that killed the Empire, not, as we tend to think now, the growth of national movements, a declining British economy and two world wars.In order to keep the British upper lip, among other things, stiff, the planet of Didcot has been turned over entirely to tea production. This is something the Ghast empire wants to destroy and, thereby, win the war against the British Space Empire by depriving them of their sustenance. Naturally they fail, despite an impressive, multi-legged, metallic war machine that appears near the end. Now where have I read about that before...hmmm...can't remember.Needless to say, Suruk's family return to the old ways, even if his brother wears a woollen jumper into battle. There is also a skirmish with some odd looking children with strange eyes that remind of something by John Wyndham...can't think what though.462 continues his sadistic treatment of his minions by eating the pulped remains of those who have failed him. He also raises to power the God-Emperor to rule Didcot at his behest.By the end of the book Polly has been laid by Rick Dreckit (the human-hunting android), Captain Smith has, finally, been laid by Rhianna, Suruk's family have almost returned to their warrior ways and Suruk has added to his impressive skull collection.Most of all, you'll be pleased to hear, Gerald the hamster is still there at the end. dr seuss cat in hat history